Thursday, August 15, 2013

3:14am List of Random Thoughts


It has been more than a week since I left my first job (August 6 was my last day). Honestly, I don't miss the "job", but I miss my friends so much. I miss small morning conversations, lengthy lunch breaks, and merienda sessions. I also miss planning mall trips. I miss the teases and playful bickerings. I miss talks about video games. I miss ordering milk teas. I miss  sneaky blog surfing. And so on.


Quitting work doesn't mean that I have nothing to be busy about. I'm actually on my first term of graduate studies, which started last May. The term is about to end, which is why I'm struggling to finish every requirement by the end of the month. Struggling seems not  enough to describe how I am right now.


I'm having nostalgic fears - fears about my career, fears about relationships, and fears about decisions made. I want to try new things, but I'm afraid of failure. I'm holding on to things that I can't control, and I'm becoming emotionally dependent, once again, to  some people  in my life. I find it difficult to achieve the independence that I dream.


My clock now reads 3:29am. I better go to sleep because I think I'm developing a case of insomnia. Oh I hope not.


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