Thursday, July 11, 2013

Know When To Say Goodbye

When I was 19 years old, days before and after my graduation (June 2010), I was driven to find a job as soon as possible. By July, I got series of interviews and landed my first job as a writing consultant. I started August 11, 2010. My work, on the surface, is simple; however, it is very much complicated (although I can't give much details about it here). I had a love-hate relationship with the work that I did. Every time I start hating my work, I'd always think that it would get better. And it did. But then it would get worst again. It became an inevitable and endless cycle. I told myself, when I was first hired, that I will quit after a year, but I wasn't able to, because I loved working with all the people I met there. I was a part of a group that knows me, and they are friends I will sincerely keep forever. For the longest time, they were the reason why I get up early in the morning, drag my ass of the bed, and go to work. However, no matter how much I love the people, I just can't see myself in the same disposition with my work for the next year anymore; so after months of pushing the thought out of my mind and being persuaded not to go, I drafted my resignation letter and gave it to my supervisor. By the end of the month, I'll be leaving my first job. 

Leaving my first job was something I wanted to do, but still, it wasn't an easy thing to accomplish. The practical spirit in me had to resort, once again, to making a list of why I should go. Here are the top three reasons why I had to:
It was a risk to my health. During the years I spent at my work, I gained a lot of pounds, and I was on the verge of becoming obese. No, I'm not whining again. But it is the truth. My job made me fat, and I'm still trying to lose what I've gained. I signed up for gym, but I couldn't go regularly because I have to finish work. I tried to eat healthy, but the food in the building wasn't. But it's not only about my weight. My eyesight suffered as well. Looking at the monitor the whole day dried my eyes and worsened my grade. Now, I cannot wear contact lenses as I often as I want, no matter how much care I give. I also become sickly. Sudden changes in the weather can already give me colds and asthma attacks.

My job was the only thing I do most of my days. During the weekdays, I wake up really early and sleep really late. But most of the days, my time is divided between commuting and working. Yes, I do have breaks in the office, some of them too long, but those are still not enough. On weekends, I would either be catching up with my quota or just resting, so I can work full force for the next week again. Unless your secretly workaholic or its how you prefer your work, a job that takes up your whole day will only be toxic and stressful.

While I like it, I don't love it. I liked being a writing consultant. Reading different stories, topics, and subjects made it a worthy experience. Heck, some of the narratives I got even made me cry, and some of the researches I've read were really fascinating. But cliche as  it may be, I feel there is something better for me, and I won't be able to find it if I stay.

Now that I'm half-way of my rendering period, everything's starting to hit me with the thought of saying goodbye to what helped me cope up with the "real world" after graduation. For a long period of time, my first job meant so much to me: a distraction from a broken heart, a source of income, a place of socialization, a place full of gamers, a place full of idealists, a place for  friendship, and so much more. Right now, I'm trying to engrave everything in my memory because I know it's something that I'd like to look back to someday.

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