Spring

Spring is settling in in this part of the world, and it actually feels like it's battling with summer already (blame global warming for that). It's my second time experiencing spring and, for me, it's definitely not the same as before.

3.28.15

Today marks my first year here in Japan. The picture above is the same picture I used when I blogged about my arrival. It was my morning view. Back then, everything was fresh; everything was a challenge. I was scared and sad at first, being away from home and all. Now my morning view has changed as I've moved to a different apartment. Most streets are familiar. Routines are engraved into my being. I've achieved a lot and failed a lot. I quit from a job that was my only lifeline here. I was terrified. I was a bum for a few months. Found a better job. And now I'm just starting to get back from being "stable". There's such just so much that the future holds.

Life abroad has taught me so many things. But I think what struck me the most is how much sacrifices a life here would cost. It has been the best year, and I can't still believe that I'm here. But honestly, I'm currently homesick. I miss my own bed. I miss my own bedroom window. I miss how the summer sunshine wakes me up instead of alarm clocks or the bitter cold during this time of the year. I miss  having food in the table when I go downstairs for breakfast. I miss watching TV. I miss the grocery drives. I miss Jollibee. I miss the silence of our house whenever I go down in the middle of the night to pee or get a drink. I miss the smell of home. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I miss my mama.

It's a little sad but whenever I see myself going back to the Philippines, I see a dead end. There's nothing for me there. That's why I have to continue. Through all this, I'm happy that I still have the inspirations to go on with this life. That,  I think is the most important. Inspiration.

Revival

Here's the thing: I (sort of) gave up on this blog months ago. But when I logged  in today, after a very long hiatus,  I was kind of surprised that I still get readers everyday. Not extremely many, of course. Just a meager 3 digit average. Still, it caught me off guard. I don't know if they're just passers by or just curious visitors, but the thought that one or two souls might be interested in my adventures fires me up. So here I am. Back and alive. 

I drafted and deleted many blog posts, and I don't remember why I decided not to post them. Here, however, are  two drafts I managed not to delete. They're the only explanation I can give for my hiatus. No, I'm not posting them to justify why I stopped. I'm posting them as a reminder why I need  to go on.

Draft for New Year's, Word File, unfinished, January 7, 2015, 3:20pm, bedroom

In the middle of cleaning my messy room, I had this sudden urge to reflect on the year that just ended: 2014. I’m looking at my messy room, and I can’t help but compare it to my current life – messy and unorganized. I’ve been cleaning my room for days, but every time I get it sorted out, it’ll just get messy again. A perfect analogy for life, isn’t it?

My life made a big turn last 2014. I started the year preparing to go to Japan and saying goodbyes to friends and families. It was difficult to know that I was about to leave my comfort zone. It was more difficult to leave behind people, especially my mama. But I had to do it. Something inside me pushes me even though I know I might regret this choice someday.

But because of this choice, I’ve experienced more than what I expected. I went to places I only dreamt of before. I met friends that eventually became like family to me. I got new experiences that I wouldn’t have if I stayed where I was. I moved on from a decade of heartbreak from a person who I thought was “the one”, and the future only promises chances and opportunities that I only need to pursue.

I think that it’s a cliché and a lie to say that I don’t regret anything. I do have regrets - a lot of them actually. But I learned that learning to live with them is more effective than being in denial of their existence. Living with my regrets has in turn created a more courageous version of me. I try harder. I try to do better. Most of all, I never stopped trying. There have been many instances in my life when I wanted to stop and just accept what’s in front of me. When I graduated college, I almost gave up on going to Japan. But if I did, I wouldn’t be here.

I used to be a bad hoarder. When I think that a thing has a sentimental value, I’d hold on to it, and keep it until it just becomes a mess in my room. But experiencing loss in different ways has taught me that not every memory can be embodied in an item. Some memories are better just memories – intangible and elusive.

Draft, iPhone Note, unfinished, February 9, 2015, 10:07am, in the middle of the class   

I'm sitting in class and writing (typing) this on my phone because I'm afraid that I might forget everything. I was gone for a long time because I thought I was losing time. But then, today, in accumulation of all what happened last year, I realized that what I was losing was 'passion', that intensified drive that pushes me before. It's still here; I can feel it. But I became too much focused on finding a job, on meeting ends-meet, and stressing out on a visa that may or may not come. I was tired. I was too afraid that nothing will come out of this life abroad and that all will be wasted. Hence, I wrote less and stopped taking pictures.

So there it is.

I have always thought that my blog is my personal space. I even told one of my friends that she need not to apologize for her late posts. It's her space. No one should dictate what she writes in it or when she writes in it. So this time, I'm reminding myself just that. All I need is to wait when inspiration hits again.

Looking forward,

A Catch Up

"When was  the last time you did something for the first time?"

To say that I'm 'quite' busy is an understatement. My last post was when my first school term ended. And now, my second term has started and I'm midway through my two weeks summer break. Japan has been surreal. There are days when I feel like everything is mundane and routine, but then there will be days that everything is new and exciting. I like it. I like how erratic things are. I like change. I love change. Nothing makes me happier than knowing how I'm different from the person that I used  to be. I love how living here in Japan has given me the chance to reinvent myself - or at least just some parts of me. It's tough, and it will always be. But I think I'm getting comfortable with trying despite my fears and of taking chances despite not knowing what the consequences may be. I'm learning a lot. And I'm looking forward to learn more.

P.S. Pardon the dramatic tone of this post. I was  feeling reflective tonight. Plus, I missed blogging so much.

Asakusa

My first term in my Japanese language school recently ended. Surprisingly, I got decent grades  for someone who hasn't practiced Japanese in a long time. I'm looking forward  to next term!

Anyways, as the title states, this post is about my first time in Asakusa. We went there directly from Tokyo Sky Tree (by biking of course). When we arrived, it reminded me of  Divisoria and Ongpin, but cleaner. We went on a Saturday so the place was packed with tourists, making it very difficult to take lots of pictures.

To Tokyo Sky Tree

One of our bike adventures led us all the way to Tokyo Sky Tree. That's two hours away from Kasai, where I currently live, so we biked for four hours (to and from) that day. My bottoms hurt, but it was all worth it.

On Frustrations

I have to admit something. Living here in Japan, for a month and a few days now, is not all fun and games. Yes, I'm greatly enjoying my time, and I'm amazed about the things I get to experience here. But, when I'm alone or there's nothing to distract me, I get frustrated, scared, and homesick too. I left all my comforts and all the people I love back in the Philippines hoping for a more secured future. So there's nothing I can do to but to devise my own ways on how I can overcome these overwhelming feelings. I have to find ways to keep sane because now my friends and family are not 24/7 available to listen to my frustrations in life. Today, I wrote three reminders in my journal that I'd also like to share with you (to the few people who reads my blog and to those who are  just passing by),  hoping that these would also help you out in keeping your goals and keeping your strength as a person.

Bike Away

Welcome to the bikers' club! No, I'm not actually riding a motorcycle - just a bike, with pedals and all. I've been here for a month now, and most of my Saturdays or Sundays were spent biking around Tokyo with some of my new friends here in Japan. Our main tour guide is Kuya Ralph who we met at the nearby church. So far, we've been to the nearby park, Disneyland, and the farthest - wait for it - Tokyo Sky Tree. I know, I know. That probably didn't have an effect on you. But I live in Kasai, which is south east in Tokyo, and is less urban than what we often think about Tokyo. So, try asking Google how far Kasai is from the Tokyo Sky Tree, and maybe you'll understand why I have to quote Barney Stinson earlier (besides the fact that I'm a big fan of HIMYM). First stop, Kasai Rinkai Kouen (park).

Harajuku: Takeshita Dori

It was surreal for me being able to step into the streets of Harajuku for the first time. Next to Kyoto (which I learned from Rurouni Kenshin), Harajuku was the part of Japan that I used to read a lot about before. When I was a kid, my papa used to bring home airline magazines whenever he comes home from Saudi. One particular magazine, which I still have with me (locked back home), has in it cover two Harajuku girls. Of course, I didn't know that before. But after reading the main article about Sundays in Harajuku, I was hooked. It was also the article that caused my brief fixation on Lolita fashion (hence, my twitter and instagram username 'chabilolita'). I used to save pictures and pictures of dresses in Lolita style, and I even wanted to dress up as one.  Eventually, as I learned more about the cosplay culture in Japan, my love for Lolita fashion died down, but my want to go to Harajuku remained the same.

Omotesando

Last week, I wanted to visit Daiso in Harajuku because I wanted to see what other school supplies are available there. There is a Can Do (100yen shop or  hyaku-en shappu) near our place, but it's rather small, so it gave me enough reason to explore other options. Since the street where my school is located intersects Omotesando, I can walk Harajuku in about 20-30 minutes -  in Japanese walking manner. But since I was just on my second week and still on tourist mode, I took the time to take everything in. I took a lot of pictures (using my G15 again). Good thing that there were other tourists around the area, so I didn't look like a crazy tourist taking pictures of  random things.

Unfortunately, Fortunately

Ever since I came here to Japan, I've realized that aside from having opportunities to improve my skills for the career that I want and contribute more to my family, I am also given the chance to experience other things, even smaller things, that I won't be able to in the  Philippines. For example, spring. Where better can I experience it first? Here in Japan, of course!

On the Way to Hachiko

Trains

 “I like trains. I like their rhythm, and I like the freedom of being suspended between two places, all anxieties of purpose taken care of: for this moment I know where I am going.”
― Anna Funder, Stasiland: Stories from Behind the Berlin Wall

Photo Diary | 4.1.14 | A Morning Walk

Yesterday, we went to the city hall to apply for health insurances and then to the post office to open our bank accounts (yes, you can open an account in the post office). I didn't have my camera yesterday, so I wasn't able to take any pictures of the things that interest me. Today, I was ready.

Hello Japan

It's official. I'm in Japan. It's my fourth day, and I'm learning a lot already. Honestly, my first day was tough. I wanted to cry because I miss my family so much, especially my mama. I cried a little before I went to sleep. Yesterday, I got to talk to mama over Skype for the first time, and I did cry - like a baby. But now that I've cried and we figured out our Skype schedules, I feel much, much better. I'm missing a lot right now, but I know I'll get by. I think. I know.

Yesterday, some of my new friends here and I went to a nearby church. We got lost finding it, so we asked a nearby old Japanese guy for directions despite our meager Japanese skills. We thought he'll just give us some directions. To our surprise, he took us to church, which was around 5-10 minutes walk! I was surprised by how kind he was to us. We also met a lovely community of Filipinos in church. Even the priest was a Filipino. After mass, they invited us for pizza, so we  had free dinner. I spent the rest of  the night doing a little laundry, while watching 2 Broke Girls and New Girl episodes.

Right now, I'm still in the settling-in period. I've been busy buying stuffs that I need, and trying to hold back on the things that I don't need (it's tough!). I don't know how to ride trains yet, but I'll probably learn this week. School hasn't started yet, but  I'm actually looking forward to that. So far, I'm doing good here in Japan. Hopefully, I get accustomed to things around here soon!

P.S.

I know I promised I'd blog about how I applied for a school here for my next post. I'll do it as soon as I'm well settled-in!

xoxo,